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DNA Discoveries: Sam's Story (A Cautionary Tale)

5/6/2018

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(All names and locations have been changed.)

Several years ago, when original birth certificates were made available to adoptees in his state, Sam learned the identity of his birth mother. She had been living in a home for unwed mothers in the early 1970s, and was barely 15 years old when he was born. Last year he found her (since married) on Facebook and sent her a message, which went unanswered. Now he wanted to find the identity of his birth father. Sam didn't want to upset anyone or cause trouble; he just wanted to know his name.

On my advice, Sam tested with Ancestry DNA and transferred his raw data to FamilyTreeDNA. In addition, he took a Y-37 marker test at FTDNA.


Two of Sam's top four matches on FamilyTreeDNA's Family Finder were at the 2nd-4th cousin level, sharing 143 cM and 93 cM; both traced their ancestry back to Patrick O'Malley and his wife Mary, who came from Ireland and settled in Wisconsin. They had several children and at least four of their descendants were on Sam's match list.

As for Sam's Y-37 marker results, the surnames of the testers and their farthest paternal ancestors were all over the map:


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The top two Y-37 matches for Sam had a genetic distance of 2 and 3, respectively. The TIP report for each one of them helped to explain the results:
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Sam's first match, with a genetic distance of 2, only had a 30% chance of sharing a common ancestor within the last 4 generations.
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With his second Y-37 match, that percentage went down to 12.41%. With the second match, to find a common ancestor with a greater than 50% chance we’d have to go back 12 generations; well over 250 years.

​No help there.

Sam’s Ancestry DNA results were more promising, but still took a great deal of work. Of his top six matches, at the 1st & 2nd cousin level, four of them had the last name of Michaels and none of them had a family tree. From previous research I knew that only one of these top matches was on his mother’s side; the rest were paternal matches. Of these Michaels matches, three of them had not logged in since last August. 

The first paternal Michaels match shared 1018 cM; which seemed to indicate a strong first cousin match. 

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I use DNA Painter on a daily basis, and their graph verified my conclusion: 
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The 2nd of his paternal matches was identified only by initials: “C.W.” (administered by Jonathan Wilde). Jonathan Wilde’s profile on Ancestry identified the city and county where he lived. Using an online directory, I found that Jonathan Wilde’s wife was Catherine Wilde, and speculated that it might be her DNA test, instead of his. Going to Facebook for more sleuthing, I easily found her profile, which included her maiden name of Kavanaugh. Interestingly, in her friends list were several friends with the last name of Michaels; who may (or may not) be related to her.

One of those Michaels friends had posted a “miss you dad” on February 23, 2017, with a family picture, obviously taken when his dad was still living. I wondered if February 23 was a significant date; perhaps a family birthday or wedding anniversary.

On to research several vital records databases for the state in question, and I found a 2016 death record for a Richard Michaels. I found a full obituary on Legacy; it listed his birth date as February 23, and named his deceased parents, deceased siblings (including Rosemary Kavanaugh), widow and surviving children. Interestingly, his mother was Bridget (O’Malley) Michaels, daughter of the same Patrick O’Malley I’d seen on FamilyTreeDNA. I looked up the obituaries for Richard Michaels’ deceased siblings, and sure enough, Rosemary (Michaels) Kavanaugh had a daughter whose name was Catherine (Kavanaugh) Wilde, possibly one of Sam’s top DNA matches.

Richard Michaels and his siblings all lived in the same city where Sam’s birth mother and her parents were living when he was conceived.

Since Richard Michaels’ deceased parents were named in his obituary, it was easy to research them and find their children and grandchildren; from that research I could identify two of the Michaels matches to Sam. At this point I began to suspect Richard Michaels who died in 2016 of being Sam's birth father. He had been married three times, with children from each marriage. Richard was ten years older than Sam’s birth mother and had married and had his first child the year before Sam was born.

I began to have a not-so-good feeling about this. At the age of fourteen, any pregnancy was the result of statutory rape, whether consensual or not. I began to wonder if Sam’s birth mother had been the family babysitter.
​
At some point in this research, Sam’s adoptive mother emailed me, saying that she was thinking about writing a letter to Sam’s birth mother. I replied immediately, saying “NO! Full stop. Sam is the adoptee here, and that’s his job. I would be glad to look over the letter before you send it to Sam, but in the end, it’s his decision whether to contact or not.”
​
When I was sure about Sam’s birth father being a Michaels, I sent an email to the Wildes through Ancestry’s DNA messaging system:

"I'm working with an adoptee who was born in ________; his birth mother was from _______. This adoptee is a 1st cousin match to you, along with ________, ________, ________ and ________. From other matches on FamilyTreeDNA, I've determined that he is most likely a grandchild of Bridget (O'Malley) Michaels..He is not seeking a relationship, just further knowledge of his ancestry."

There has been no response, even though they have checked their Ancestry DNA several times a month since then.

This story does not have an ending. The paternal cousins have not responded, and I don’t expect them to. Sam is content knowing his ancestry; he’s Irish on both sides of his family. And while genealogists are by nature curious (what was the story?), curiosity is no reason to wake up sleeping dogs. 

Genetic genealogists must act in an ethical manner, and that means respecting the wishes and emotions of the living, who may be deeply impacted by the result of an unexpected DNA match.

The National Genealogical Society's Guidelines for Sharing Information with Others states:

"Genealogists and family historians are sensitive to the hurt that information discovered or conclusions reached in the course of genealogical research may bring to other persons and consider that in deciding whether to share or publish such information and conclusions." (Emphasis mine.)

So - research stops, and the deceased birth father's family are allowed to live in peace.


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DNA Discoveries: Rebecca's Story

5/4/2018

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I first got to know Rebecca at my church about four years ago. Since then, I’ve been impressed by her resilience in the face of abuse, neglect, and serious illness and tragedy. She was deeply involved in Toastmasters, winning many awards for her speeches and evaluations, and was involved in softball as well. Like me, she ran her own business, doing photography and marketing for local shops in Gig Harbor, Washington.
 
I learned early on that her mother had multiple personality disorder, paranoid schizophrenia, and bipolar disorder, regularly abusing, starving, and otherwise neglecting Rebecca and her other children; once leaving Rebecca (then age 14) in a condemned house with no electricity, running water, or food for over a week. Upon the report of abuse and neglect by a concerned neighbor, Oregon State took custody of Rebecca and her two younger siblings and put them into foster care; they were unsuccessful in finding Rebecca’s birth father.

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​The problem was that the man named as the father on Rebecca’s birth certificate, Donald Kloess, died in 1967, nine years before she was born.

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"Caught in Mixer," Statesman Journal Salem, OR, 11 February 1967, p.10, col. 1.
​Whenever I heard Rebecca wonder aloud about her birth father, or muse on the likelihood that she’d end up unknowingly dating a sibling, I reminded her that her DNA held the answer. Finally, during an Ancestry sale last summer, I made her an offer she couldn’t refuse – if she would buy the kit, I would do the DNA analysis, no charge.
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Rebecca's DNA test, 16 July 2017; used with permission.
Our next step was both easy and hard – we waited.

While we were waiting for the results, I created a private, unsearchable tree for Rebecca, who was almost paranoid about her privacy. On Facebook she used a pseudonym, not wanting any contact with her birth mother. Fortunately, she was on good terms with her aunt on her mother’s side and had a file folder full of information on her maternal side of the family. I was saddened but somehow not surprised to read about and research the history of mental illness, suicide, and abuse on her biological mother’s side of her family.

When the results came in, it was easy to separate Rebecca’s paternal matches, as her aunt had already tested with Ancestry. It wasn’t long before I was able to send a preliminary message to Rebecca, that her paternal great-grandparents were probably Benjamin Bates and Emmeline Esler. This couple had met and married in Minnesota, and were in Multnomah County, Oregon by 1940. As I had time, I would add information to Rebecca’s tree, tracing all the descendants of Ben and Emmeline’s 12 children. Most of them stayed in the Portland area, which made things a little harder. I would need to follow each of their children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren to the present in order to find a possible candidate for Rebecca's birth father. 
 

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Then in August, I sent a cautiously worded email to a 1st/2nd cousin match, not revealing the age or gender of the adoptee:

Hello - I am a professional genealogist, working with an adoptee who has unknown parents. You show up as a 1st-2nd cousin match; from my client's other matches I'm seeing close matches to the family and descendants of Benjamin Bates and Emeline Esler. My client was born in the Portland, OR/Vancouver, WA area between 1965 and 1980. At this point, they are interested in family history; making contact is not a goal.

Although this cousin responded to my email, the conversation stalled in November.

Then on January 5, I got a positively perky email from a new 1st cousin match:

Hello! My name is Kari Hill. I recently took the Ancestry DNA test and found out that someone named R.K. is likely to be my first cousin. I would love to know more and would appreciate any information that you can give me. 
Thank you!
Kari 


Kari and I were soon corresponding by email, as she answered my questions and I relayed them to Rebecca. Rebecca said I could tell Kari her name, birth date and where she lived.

On January 5, Kari emailed me:
My mom’s name is Betsy Ross Granberg. Daughter of Betsy Ross Granberg. Unfortunately, three of her brothers have passed away. Benjamin Granberg, Fredrick Gordon Granberg, and just recently Harold Granberg. I still have a surviving uncle Arthur Granberg, but I highly doubt he would be her father. If I had to guess, I would say Frederick (Gord). I hope that helps! Please let me know if I can help in any way.
Kari  
 
Less than 4 hours later, Kari emailed again:
​
Hello! Yes, my Uncle Gord was married to Beverly Curtice and had a son named Harold Lee Granberg. After asking around we are very sure that My Uncle Gord was the father….   I would like to meet her if she’s up for it.
Thanks!

I relayed the messages to Rebecca, and her reply was one word:

Gordon.

I asked if that was a familiar name, and she said, “We always thought Gordon was a last name. A private investigator tried to find him when I was in foster care, but he was searching for “Gordon” as a last name.”

I think it was just later that same day that Kari and Rebecca connected on Facebook, followed by several other members of her birth father’s family. Although Fredrick Gordon Granberg died in 2012, Rebecca’s older brother Harold welcomed Rebecca to the family, sending her loving emails, texts and photos.


 
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Fredrick Gordon Grandberg and his son Harold Lee Granberg, about 2010. Used with permission.


As it turns out, Fredrick Gordon Granberg loved photography, art, and public speaking. He loved taking care of others and telling jokes – all traits that Rebecca shares.

In early January, Rebecca told her friends on Facebook:
Tonight, over my sister’s elk stew and homemade bread, I learned who I am. And though my birth father is no longer living, he would have wanted me; his family wants me, and I have another brother... As a scrappy foster kid who aged out of care believing I was unwanted, I forged ahead but always searched for him. Today, after 41 years of not knowing who I was, I know my name.


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Rebecca and Harold, 16 January 2018. Used with permission.
I had the privilege of meeting Harold one day in January when he had driven up from Oregon to fix Rebecca’s car – just like any older brother might do for his sister. I learned that Harold and some of his father’s family knew about Rebecca long ago. But they didn’t know her last name, or where she lived.
 
Not all adoptee/birth family reunions end this happily – but it was a joy to play a part in this one. I think my biggest contribution was in persuading Rebecca to do a DNA test in the first place, and then in being a shield for her privacy and a go-between with potential paternal matches.

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Harold Granberg, Claudia Breland and Rebecca, 28 January 2018. Used with permission.
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